Darkness Surrounding
by Lola2Hatta
Summary: Draco Malfoy is plagued by his past and trying to decide how to move on from his crimes as a death eater. To make matters worse, Hermione Granger is thrust into his life and he's forced to face what he's done to her. As he begins to fall apart he has to decided if he will allow her to help him or keep pushing her away.
1. Prologue: Wake Me Up, Bring Me Back

Typical disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the things from his universe belong to the amazingly brilliant mind of JK Rowling. I am making no money off this story nor do I want any credit for anything Miss Rowling has created, only my own ideas inspired by her story. The song lyrics belong solely to the equally brilliant and perfectly dark minds of Jamie Madrox and Paul Monoxide of the group Twiztid.

* * *

_**Song: Nightmarez**_

_**Artist: Twiztid**_

**Trigger Warning: Torture**

**_In the dark of the night  
In the midst of a dream or a nightmare  
Where nobody can hear you scream  
As you fight to awake from your sleep  
And you shake in your bed  
In the dream the evil is creepin', crawlin'  
I keep callin'  
Out for some help but I feel like I'm fallin'  
Can I get up and shake off the nightmare  
But when I look in the mirror it's in front of me  
Right there  
Starin' at me with those eyes again  
Makin' it harder and harder to try to pretend  
Everything is just okay, I'm sad and lonely  
Alive with nothin' left to say_**

* * *

_Hermione couldn't move as much as she fought, and she was fighting with every bit of energy she had. Still though, the invisible ropes pinned her to the floor. It was so cold, her whole body was covered in goose pimples and painful shivers racked through her body. That wasn't the worst of it though, the worst part of her situation was waiting to see what the obviously mad woman looming over her was going to do. She couldn't help the whimper that escaped her lips as the woman kneeled down and straddled her, it was such an intimate thing and it made bile rise in Hermione's throat. _

_"How did you get that sword? You took it from my vault and I want to know how!" Bellatrix whispered quietly in Hermione's ear. "Tell me and this will be quick."_

_"I didn't take anything." Hermione cried struggling to move her face away from Bellatrix's, anything to get away from the feel of the woman's hot breath on her neck._

_"LIAR." Bellatrix screamed in the girl's ear, sitting up and pulling something from her boot. Hermione felt the woman's cold hand press her wrist hard to the floor, pinning her arm down to the cold tile. _

_"Do you know what I like to do to disgusting girls who lie to me?" Bellatrix's face was so twisted and disturbed that it froze Hermione in terror. "I like to make sure the world knows what they are. In your case, disgusting mudblood filth." Then she leaned over Hermione's arm, and the girl was sure she'd been set alight. The pain was like nothing she'd ever felt, digging, clawing, SEARING at her arm. She screamed and screamed and begged for it to stop. Mentally she wished she was dead, that someone in this sick perverse universe would come and put her out of her misery. Then it dulled slightly, the pain subsided enough for Hermione to take a gasp of air and truly breathe._

_Then it started all over again, the pain coming back to Hermione in full force and probably worse. Her vision began to fade in and out and her screams grew raspier. As she looked around for anything to take her mind off the pain she was caught by a pair of grey eyes, slightly shadowed by tufts of blonde hair. They looked so broken, like the scene the eyes had come upon was as physically causing them pain. At first, she refused to let herself pan out from the eyes, refused to see their owner, knowing full well who it was, then another round of the fire started and her arm felt wet and sticky, and the pain became unimaginable. Her mind forced her to say the words she'd been fighting down since she caught the grey eyes._

_"Kill me, please Malfoy, kill me. If you have any mercy in you at all you'll just kill me." Her voice was no longer a scream, her throat feeling like sandpaper. The pain ebbed again as Bellatrix's shot up and turned to look at the boy standing there in horror._

_"Did you hear that Draco? The mudblood wants you to have mercy on her." Bellatrix's voice came out in a cackle, spewing venom and spit in the young Malfoy's direction. "Maybe I should show her how we show mercy upon mudblood filth? Hmm?" Then Bellatrix's black eyes were back on Hermione's. "How dare you speak to him you disgusting creature. You want mercy? I'll show you mercy."_

_Bellatrix leapt up and stood cackling at Hermione and everything around the girl swayed for a moment as she tried to brace herself for whatever horror was to come. She didn't care if it was worse though, she fixated her eyes on the silver one's across the room, holding and taking any bit of solstice they might hold. Hermione never even heard the curse uttered, she only felt the pain. Knives stabbed into the center of her spine and dragged up paralyzing her. Pain, pure and horrible pain radiated throughout her entire body. Every twitch it sent through her was an electrical shock. She screamed and tried desperately to claw her way away from the pain but the binding around her was too tight. As her vision started to blur again and she prayed for unconsciousness to take her, then pain stopped, leaving only a low, dull ache through her whole body._

_"You can end this easily mudblood. Just tell me how you got into my vault and it will all be over. I'll feed you to Greyback, he likes the throats. Your death will be quick, even if your disposal won't." Hermione barely had a chance to turn her head to the side as the contents of her stomach spilled from her mouth, on to her hair which was splayed across the floor near her._

_"I swear I wasn't in your vau-"_

_"CRUCIO!"_

_The knives came back with a vengeance this time as Hermione thought her ears where ringing before she realized it was the sound of her screams, so high pitched they sounded foreign to her. She knew now what kind of madness this curse caused, it wasn't a madness that you were unaware of, you could actually feel this sort setting in. Your mind just giving up and trying to tell your body to give up as well. Hermione knew if this went on for much longer, she would surely be locked up drooling in St. Mungo's._

_Then a small spark hit her side and in an instant Hermione saw black and felt nothing. It was all gone, and she had either passed out or died. In the end though, she didn't care which, as long as she didn't have to face the terror her body was facing. As she came too sometime later, she only saw a face, white as snow, unkempt curly black hair, and eyes black as night, cackling loudly. _

Screams filled the air like a siren as she awoke from the horrid dream.

%%%

_The street was in complete chaos as the inhabitants screamed and cried, trying in vain to escape the terror. The only was calm where the men in hooded masks, shooting curses at random, turning the pavement red as blood soaked it. Draco ran through the streets hoping against all odds he could find somewhere to hide and wait this whole thing out. He couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't watch the things the men around him where doing any more. As he turned the corner he was in an alley, he ran down it halfway before realizing that he wasn't alone._

_Fenier Greyback was in front of him and as their eyes met for a moment Draco couldn't help but take a step back. Then the werewolf lifted pulled something up into Draco's view and his stomach lurched. He was holding a head that surely at one point had belonged upon a body, blood still dripping from the neck as the werewolf smiled proudly like a hunter showing off his latest catch. Draco turned away unable to look any longer and ran, as fast as he could out of the alley way. As he rounded the corner he lost all control and vomited, spilling his lunch on to the sidewalk. Then everything shifted, a black cloud filling his vision._

_He was sitting in his dining room surrounded by Death Eaters unable to even listen to his master's speech. Above him, suspended by invisible rope was a woman, her mouth open in a sickening way as she whimpered, pleading her case to his former potions professor? He saw the cuts and dirt that covered her body and knew that she had likely been a play thing for his fellow death eaters. He couldn't take his eyes off her until across the room a green light was shot at her, and she fell to the table in a sicken thud. Draco's stomach turned as he watched the remainder of her tears leak from her unseeing eyes. The black cloud returned, taking his sight and granting a moment of pleasure._

_Draco was walking the hall of Hogwarts, wandering aimlessly, doing anything to stay away from the Slytherin common room. He couldn't handle being hero worshiped anymore, not when he knew what the life he was living was nothing more than a cruel, disgusting nightmare. He just wanted to run, get as far away from this life as possible, but in the end, there was nowhere to run. When The Dark Lord won, because in the end he had no hope that a 17 year old would be a match for him, there wouldn't be a place on this earth that Draco could hide. The only hope he had was that when this great battle everyone kept talking about happened, Draco could fight to death. He didn't want to die, but it was far better than continuing to watch the depravity around him._

_Suddenly he heard footsteps coming down the hall and could hear Crabbe and Goyle's voices coming towards him. He hurriedly entered a classroom closest to him, shutting the door quietly behind him. He stared at the wood for a moment, sighing thankfully that the two trolls had not seen him. He was tired of them constantly trying to put in word for them to get their own Dark Marks. They were idiots who would feel nothing about tearing up mudbloods, unlike Draco who couldn't get their horrified face's to leave his mind._

_Then, like some sick ironic joke, a small moan came from behind him causing him to jump then wheel around, wand at the ready. Then he saw her, a small girl, couldn't be more than a third year, her tie indicating a she was a Hufflepuff's. She was chained to the wall on the far side of the room, barely conscious, blood was covering her face and a good amount was on the floor. She looked at Draco and he felt every ounce of pain she was in hit him like a wave. He ground his teeth together to bite back the scream that threated to escape his mouth. How the fuck could these people do this? Adults where one thing, but this girl before him was just a child. He knew by looking at the girl this was the obvious work of the Carrow's siblings. No one would have left her here to bleed out like this except them. He couldn't leave her there like this but he surely couldn't release her and he had no idea how to heal her. So he did the only thing he could think of. He stole his eyes away from her, and gathered every bit of hate he had for all the sickening things happening around him and raised his wand._

_"Avada Kedavra"_

_The girls eyes wide but peaceful as the green jet hit her chest and her body went limp. Draco wanted to fall to the floor and let all of his emotions go right there, but he couldn't. It was likely someone would be coming back for this girl, at the very least to throw her body out. So Draco did the only thing he could to cover up his compassion and leave the girl a bit of dignity. He walked over to her and placed two fingers upon her eyelids and closed them, making it look to anyone else as though he body had succumbed to blood loss rather than the compassion of a boy who made all the wrong choices. He face would stay with him, the pale lifelessness of the single life he'd ever taken. The girl who would never return home, not even for a funeral. All because she was of the wrong parentage or she stood for those who were. He'd never know her name, and for some reason, that was the worst part of it all. The part that would likely drive him mad._

Draco awoke and fought back the bile threatening to rise in his throat. It took him a moment to get his bearings before he remembered where he was. Surrounded by brick walls and a door made of bars, the sound of waves crushing from somewhere, and the feeling of despair handing heavy in the air.

%%%

THE DAILY PROPHET

HERMIONE GRANGER SPEAKS IN FAVOR OF RELEASE IN DRACO MALFOY DEATH EATER TRIAL

* * *

_**A/N: Just a quicky! Title is actually from the song of this chapter (this won't always happen, so my chapter title will always have song/artist listed as an author note)**_

_** Twiztid "Nightmarez"**_


	2. Madness on the Daily

Typical disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the things from his universe belong to the amazingly brilliant mind of JK Rowling. I am making no money off this story nor do I want any credit for anything Miss Rowling has created, only my own ideas inspired by her story. The song lyrics belong solely to the equally brilliant and perfectly dark minds of Jamie Madrox and Paul Monoxide of the group Twiztid.

* * *

_**Song: Lift Me Up**_

_**Artist: Twiztid**_

**Trigger Warning: Light man handling**

_**You've got nien body but yourself**_  
_**You've got to learn that**_  
_**Whether you like it or not**_  
_**You've gotta choose things**_  
_**You've got to get up go**_  
_**Through all kinds of changes**_  
_**Whether you want to or not doesn't matter**_

_**And I can feel it now**_  
_**It's more obvious than ever there's a problem**_  
_**And I better try to figure out**_  
_**If I'm willing to solve em**_  
_**Or ignore them like a middle child**_

* * *

Draco sat in the dreary pub nervously drumming his fingers on the table as he waited, as he sipped on a glass of Firewhiskey. He didn't know why she'd asked to see him, but Hermione Granger wrote him the day before asking him to meet her at the Leaky Cauldron. It took him two hours of pacing his room before he wrote he back, finally agreeing to come. It was worse now though, as he sat here waiting, people staring at him. Some obviously knew who he was as they looked at his face with shock and their eyes drifting to his left arm. Others though just stared at the thin that stretched across his neck or the intricate patterns of scars crawling up his forearm. He rarely wore short sleeves anymore as to avoid exactly this, but it was the middle of August and the sun was too much to bare. As he pulled his hand guardedly beneath the table, a small calm voice hit his ear and his head shot up.

"Malfoy," was all the girl said as she took her seat across from him.

"Granger," he said as if he voice was acid on his tongue. It didn't have the effect he'd hoped though, she merely rolled her eyes as if he was some annoying child. "What the hell do you want?"

"A drink actually." She said as she caught the barmaid's attention and asked her for a Firewhiskey. When the woman looked at Draco he tensed as her eyes grew with shock.

"We'll take a bottle and two glasses," and he waved her off. Draco returned his attention to Hermione. "Who would have thought, Hermione Granger, Gryffindor Princess, Mudblood Activist, would be drinking in a bar with Draco Malfoy hmmm?" He said coolly with a twisted smirk.

"Oh piss off Malfoy. I can honestly think of a million other places where I'd rather be then here." Hermione shot back him as the barmaid set down a tray containing a bottle of amber liquid and two glasses. Draco grabbed a glass and filled it halfway. As he sipped the drink burned its way through him.

"And I can think of a million people I'd rather sit with then yourself Granger, so let's get this over with. Tell me why you're here and we can both go back to our lives, separate as they should be."

Hermione didn't speak at first, but Draco couldn't help but notice the amusement creep across her face as she grabbed her own glass and filled it. She tipped the glass to her lips and took a big drink, causing her to sputter and cough. "God this stuff is disgusting." She said most likely to herself before looking back at him. "Anyways, I'm here for Professor McGonagall, I guess she figured I should tell you so that way we could attempt to get used to it together or some silly notion like that. I didn't want to, and I certain don't want to do this with you but-"

"Granger, what the fuck are you going on about?" Draco was growing even more annoyed and angry. The girls rambling was always one of the things that had truly annoyed Draco.

Granger dug into her bag and pulled out two letters, sliding one across the table. "Your Hogwarts letter," she ignored Draco's confused stare, "and your… Your letter saying you'll be… You'll be Head Boy this year."

Draco broke out in laughter, gripping his sides and almost losing his balance. "Funny Granger. Seriously, that was good."

"I-I'm not kidding Malfoy." That's all it took for Draco to stop, hearing the hurt in her voice. He looked across and could feel her anger and pain hitting him. "This is not something I would joke about. The last thing in this world I wanted was _my _last year at Hogwarts to be tainted by having to share this with _you._ Trust me I would love to have given up the position, not had to patrol with you, or share a dorm, or-"

"A DORM?" Draco yelled, causing a couple of stares from the patrons around them. He lowered his voice into a sharp whisper as he went on. "No, go back and tell that batty woman I want nothing to do with this. In fact tell her she's bloody mad and disturbed if she thinks I'll agree to this."

"If you'd shut up for a moment and let me talk you'd know that there isn't a way around this Malfoy. She won't allow us to, my only option is not going back and yours is going back to Azkaban. In case you forgot, returning to Hogwarts is a term of your release. Then again you seemed pretty keen to go in the first place." Hermione spat venom with the last part causing Draco to recoil.

"Fuck you Granger. You know nothing about that." His sneer turned even sourer.

"Do you forget that I was there Malfoy?" Hermione said a bit loudly, causing even more people to stare at them. "That I was at the trial?"

"Shut up Granger."

"NO!" She yelled not caring who heard. "I watched you throw yourself in front of a courtroom and basically beg them to send you to Azkaban."

"I swear if you don't-"

"Who knew Draco Malfoy was a martyr." Hermione said with a wicked grin. It was all it took to make Draco snap, his temper so easily set off these days. He grabbed her hard around the wrist and pulled her from the pub, dragging her to a nearby alley, before standing over her menacingly.

"Do not dare to pretend to know anything about what happened during my trial Granger. I never fucking asked you to come. I didn't need your bloody help and yet you thrust it upon me, Hermione Granger, _my. Fucking. Hero._" He spat making a shiver run through the girl's body.

"I- you deserved someone to- to tell about how you helped us." She said slowly backing up until she hit the wall of a building.

"I DIDN'T DESERVE ANYTHING GRANGER." Draco roared, slamming his hands on either side of her head. "I DIDN'T HELP ANYONE BUT MYSELF." Then he realized with an internal groan that the girl wasn't listening to him anymore, but instead was staring wide eyed at his left arm.

"Wh-What happened?" She asked in horror or disgust, Draco couldn't decide.

"That's none of your fucking business." He said pulling himself back and putting his arms around his back. Hermione just stared at him for a moment, as if searching for something, and then her face changed to one of shock.

"You tried to get rid of it didn't you?" She almost looked as if she wasn't speaking to him but to herself. "You idiot! You tried to get rid of it by burning it off or something didn't you?"

"Once again not your business Granger." Draco said annoyed as Hermione obviously wasn't listening to him. She was staring at him with that searching look before her eyes hit his neck making Draco recoil further.

"Oh my god, your neck… Did you-"

"Say one more word Mudblood. I dare you." That's all it took to bring the brunette back to the present, her face to go red with anger.

"Don't call me that." She seethed at him.

"Don't call you what? A mudblood? That's what you are. Nothing more than some filthy mudblood bit-" He reacted quickly, grabbing her wrist before her palm could connect with him cheek. As he did though, he caught a glimpse of her arm and the scar that lay there. Mudblood, almost as red and crude as it had been the day his aunt had carved it there. He stood there staring for what felt like hours, trying to process what the hell he'd been thinking. He wanted to hurt her, but he'd no doubt gone too far. As if she was listening to his thoughts, she ripped her arm away from him and cradled it to her chest.

"No. You do not get to do that Malfoy." She said backing towards the wall once more. "You don't get to look at me with pity and try and soothe your own conscious. You don't get to pretend that this hurt you! Not when you stood there and watched and especially not when you still spew those words at me as if they're nothing. You don't get to do this, not in front of me." Then she was gone, running from the alley as Draco watched her go. He was thankful, he could not handle dealing with Hermione yet he was going to have to find some way to live with her for an entire school year. The world was a sick, cruel, place Draco concluded.

%%%

Draco awoke the next morning with his face plastered to his desk and a pool of drool covering the many letters under his face. His mouth tasted like mud mixed with metal and his head was throbbing so hard he'd give anything to just make it stop. The first thing he saw as his eyes fluttered open was two very large and very empty bottles of Firewhiskey. _Merlin please just let the pounding stop _was all he could think as he slowly sat up in his chair and started throwing open the drawers of his desk. Finally he found it, a small vile filled with a clear liquid, so deceivingly innocent looking. He opened the cap and tried not to catch the sent that came from it to no avail. A burning sensation hit his nostrils as he lifted it to his lips and he groaned slightly before throwing the potion back. He held on to the desk as the burn hit his throat, scorching everything on its way down and making his insides turn and lurch. When the pain subsided Draco let go of the table and took a welcome breath.

"You know I think they make that shit vile so that you won't get pissed as much." Came from behind where Draco sat. He wheeled around in his chair as to see a dark skinned boy lounging in his bed with a smirk on his face.

"How the hell did you even get in here?" Draco shot at the young wizard.

"Easy, I asked Tom to let me in, pretended I was concerned about my dear friend Draco Malfoy." Blaise said, batting his eyelashes and smiling widely.

"I think me and the inn keeper will have to discuss what no visitors means." Draco said.

"Oh come on, you know how wonderful it is to wake up and see my beautiful face in the morning." And as he said Blaise actually winked at Draco. "This girl I was seeing while on vacation in Italy used to tell me all the time. She said I was constantly being followed by Wimzles because they're attracted to beauty."

"What are Wimzles?" Draco asked confused.

"I have no idea. Some Italian thing probably." Blaise said back, then his grin grew twice its original size. "Heard you had tea with a cheeky girl yesterday?"

"How the hell do you know that?"

"How do you think I know?" Blaise responded as he walked over a table sat by the door and picked up the newspaper that sat on it. He looked down at it for a moment with a laugh then threw it across the room to Draco. Draco looked at the picture of Hermione and him in horror, his stomach actually lurching as he saw the headline above it.

Brains of the Golden Trio Takes Her Love of Bad Boys a Step Further

By: Rita Skeeter

* * *

_**A/N: Once again same as the lyrics.**_

_**Title is by Twiztid "Lift Me Up"**_


	3. All of the Above

Typical disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the things from his universe belong to the amazingly brilliant mind of JK Rowling. I am making no money off this story nor do I want any credit for anything Miss Rowling has created, only my own ideas inspired by her story. The song lyrics belong solely to amazingly twisted mind of Blaze, Ya Dead Homie.

* * *

**_Song: Escape Artist  
Artist: Blaze, Ya Dead Homie  
_Trigger Warning: Torture**

**_I try to feel the sunshine  
While standing in the rain  
You try to hold me down  
With all you're restraints _**

_**I must make it to the wishing well**  
**The well to make a wish**  
**And once I am there**  
**A penny I spare**  
**In hope of theses sins you forgive**  
**With vultures all calling**  
**In wait of my falling**  
**Victim to this horrible wind**  
**I arrive just in time**  
**It must be a sign**  
**Father forgive me, for all that I did**  
_

* * *

Draco sat in his compartment aboard the Hogwarts Express staring absently out the window, thinking wildly about how different this trip would be from all the years prior. This year he had no desire to go back to the castle in Scotland, where it seemed everything about his life had gone horribly wrong. He didn't want to go sit at the Slytherin table, surrounded by people who hated him and thought him a traitor. Merlin knew he didn't want to walk the corridors, surrounded by people whose loved ones were gone, died fighting people like him. The whispers that followed him everywhere would be as unbearable as the people who would try and glance at his arm, wondering if it really was there. He wanted nothing to do with the castle, but most of all, he wanted nothing to do with Granger.

Draco sat there cursing Merlin, Salazar, and any other famous wizard he could of, all of them allowing fate to lead him here. To top it all off, if his house didn't hate him enough, they were going to tear him apart if they saw him working with Granger. He was going to become the Slytherin house's new favorite punching bag, and the irony didn't fall short on him. Slytherin Prince, disgraced and forced to live with Gryffindor Princess.

Draco shook the thought from his mind as the train began to fill, voices surrounding him from outside his compartment. He watched as mothers and fathers waved their children off and felt his heart tighten at the thought. This was the first time his mother hadn't seen him off, instead he'd bid her farewell through her shut door. To his knowledge his mother had not left her room since his father had been sent to Azkaban, only eating because he'd ordered the house elves to force her if necessary. He didn't even think she knew he hadn't been staying there but at The Leaky Cauldron, no longer able to face all of the memories the manor held for him. In the end though, as much as he wished he could keep the Malfoy Mask on, it hurt that his mother had essentially abandoned him for depression.

As crowd on the platform finally dispersed, the door to Draco's compartment opened causing him to jump. He whipped his head around to see Professor McGonagall entering and closing the door behind herself. "Mister Malfoy," was all she said for a moment.

"Professor." This close Draco could see the toll the war had taken on the elderly woman. Her eyes were sunken and face even more wrinkled. Even her hair looked whiter than it had before.

"I hope your summer treated you decently at least." She said taking a seat across from him, making Draco squirm. The last time he'd been this close to the woman had been in first year when she'd punished him for following Potter and his friends to Hagrid's hut.

"Fine." Draco said shortly. It was a stupid question really, she knew very well how his summer had gone. She had been at his trial, and no doubt had read the news of his father's imprisonment.

"Good. Well I'm glad to see you are here and I just wanted to congradulate you on making Head Boy. You truly did earn this Mister Malfoy." Professor McGonagall said with a guarded smile. Draco couldn't help the humorless laugh that escaped his list. McGonagall's smile turned to a tired look. "I don't expect you to be grateful Mister Malfoy, but do not mock me. You second to top of your class, Quittich Captain, and have a knack for leadership, no matter how misguided your past may have been."

"You paired me with Hermione Granger. I don't see how that ever came across as a good idea. Let me step down Headmistress, you and I both know this will never work." Draco said.

"You will make it work Mister Malfoy, considering what she did for you, I would think you'd at least be willing to be civil with Miss Granger." She looked at him sternly. "If you cannot, then the risk is greater for yourself, you'd do well to remember that."

_And you'd do well to remember that you paired a Mudblood and a Death Eater to help run the school. _Draco thought to himself as he glanced at his hands, trying to hide his anger.

"MISTER MALFOY!" Draco's head shot up to look at the Professor as he face turned red with anger. _FUCK _he thought, realizing he'd said it out loud. "I will make myself perfectly clear, you do not have a choice but to do this. Your only alternative is Azkaban. You would do well to compose yourself and accept this challenge. Learn from it in fact, you are no longer a death eater. You are a young man offered a second chance that does not always happen. Miss Granger has graciously agreed to work with you, despite your past attitude towards her. You would do well to do the opposite, work with her despite out dated, archaic prejudices. Does that sound like something you can do, or shall I have the auror's meet us at Hogwarts?"

Just as she finished her lecture, the door to the compartment opened, and Hermione stepped in with a slightly confused look. The professor didn't take her eyes off Draco until he just nodded, not willing to say anything. At that, she smiled and stood to leave. "Just here to congradulate you both. I'm excited to have you take this position Miss Granger. I'd like to see you both in my office tomorrow morning so we can discuss particulars. As for tonight, you will assist teachers in directing students to the carriages and make sure no one gets lost in after the feast."

"Of course Headmistress." Hermione said as Draco just nodded his agreement. McGonagall gave Draco another pointed look before exiting the compartment, leaving an awkward cloud that hung between the two students.

Hermione didn't say a word to Draco as she reached to put her trunk in the compartment causing her to stumble backwards as the weight of the trunk unbalanced her. He couldn't help the snicker that left his lips at her futile attempt, she was clearly too short and the trunk was too heavy. Hermione huffed in annoyance and tried again, much to Draco's amusement. At least he was amused, until she lost her footing and the trunk fell to the ground and Hermione stumbled backwards landing right on Draco hard.

"UHH! GET… OFF ME… COW!" Draco shouted as her weight pressed on his chest. He pushed the girl on to the floor with a thud. Hermione quickly scrambled to her feet, her face red with anger.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT?" She screeched at Draco.

"If the shoe fits," Draco replied examining his nails with a smirk.

"You are truly the foulest person I have ever met Malfoy." She shot a glare that made Draco's skin crawl slightly.

"And you are a whiney annoying bitch. I guess we're even." Draco said shooting back and equally mean glare.

"Call me a bitch again Malfoy." Hermione dared.

"Bitch." He said with a sneer and a cock of his eyebrow. Once again Hermione's hand rose to hit him, and once again Draco caught it with ease, pushing her back against the window of the compartment. "Keep trying to hit me all you want. I'm not a stupid third year anymore and I will not let you get one over on me again. Now," He said dropping her wrist but blocking her from moving with his body. "We can keep doing this, fighting like petulant children, or we can suck it up and deal with this situation. Trust me, this changes nothing. I still don't like you, I still think you are an annoying, no it all, bitch. You still think I am an arrogant, bigoted, arsehole. It works quite well, we both know where we stand in each other's eyes, but let's face the truth. Loosing this position would be equally unfortunate for both of us. So what do you say Granger?"

With every bit of strength the small girl must have had, she shoved Draco back, causing him to stumble slightly. "You are more than an arrogant, bigoted, arsehole Malfoy. You are a disgusting human being, and I cannot believe I helped you. After all that you did to me last year, I still helped you and you can be nothing but horrible. So forgive me if I don't feel particularly accommodating." Hermione said taking her seat.

"I picked on you as a child Granger, bloody hell! Get over it, I already did." He said dropping in his own seat.

"THAT'S ALL YOU THINK YOU DID? YOU ARE NOT THAT DAFT!" Hermione jumped to her feet again, looking down on Hermione.

Draco caught her dead in the eye, "I refuse to take blame for whatever else happened to you. That was completely out of my hands." There was more numbness than spite in his voice now.

"YOU SAT BACK AND WATCHED! Your deranged aunt held me on the floor of your house! You sat back and watched as she crucio'd me to near madness. You did nothing as she carved into my arm, you watched as my blood and tears were smeared on the floor of your house. You didn't do anything but watch like it hurt you! Like some terrified child you hid in the corner and watched as if there was nothing you could do! That's a lie though," her voice lowered and wavered as tears began to fall. "You could have helped but you chose not to. You were too much of a selfish, bigoted-"

"I DID FUCKING HELP!" Draco roared jumping from his seat. This time though, he hadn't been prepared for the palm that crossed his cheek. In fact, he didn't even know what had happened till he heard the crack and felt the burn.

"DO NOT DARE LIE TO ME LIKE I WASN'T THERE MALFOY. YOU DID NOTHING AND WE BOTH-"

"I STUPEFIED YOU!" He roared into her face, bits of spit hitting her. Then as he realized what he'd just said, he stepped back, staring at Hermione's shocked face. It was too late, the truth was out and he had no option to say it. He looked out the window and his mind was lurched back in time. "I fucking stupified you. I couldn't handle the sound of you screaming anymore, I couldn't watch my aunt carve into your skin again, or crucio you one more time. Those screams still haunt my nightmares, blood stains from you and everyone else who was tortured in that room are still there, always reminding me. I relive the shit that happened, that I did, every fucking day. The only thing I know is that at that one moment, I couldn't handle it anymore. So I did something selfish, I won't delude myself or anyone else into thinking otherwise. I did it for myself, to stop the pain it was causing me. So when no one was paying attention I cast the fucking spell."

Draco and Hermione each sunk into their seats in unison, realization washing over both of them. Draco had never wanted anyone to know, he knew it would lead to nothing but more complications in his already complicated life. There was no taking it back though, she knew and the air in the room completely changed. Draco rubbed his hands over his face and tried to brace himself for what this was going to cause.

"You…" Hermione started and then cut off, wringing her hands in her lap. He could see the look of unease mirrored in the witch's face. He knew that like him, this was something she'd never wanted to know. This was not something either could handle, it was the act of a friend. When that kind of act came from an enemy, it ruined everything you felt was true. Draco needed to get out of this room and fast, before the tension tore him apart. "Thank you," was all Hermione could seem to come up with.

Draco got up and strode over to the compartment door before stopping and turning for a moment. "It makes no difference Granger. I'm Draco Malfoy, to this school, to most of the world, I get to be the symbol of evil. Watch sometime, look at how people look at me and you'll see it. Then look at the way they watch you and your friends. You symbolize everything about hope and goodness." Draco slammed open the compartment door. "Nothing I do will ever change that," and Draco slammed the door behind him.

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_**A/N: ELLO LOVES! Wow this chapter took a lot actually, I had so much trouble writing it. Not in the normal way, how the conversations went came easily, but I kept wanting to add more and more. It was so hard to reign myself in, but finally I got it out. Which is equally impressive considering how sick I am! UGH! It's been terrible, but for the sake of this story I loaded up on Dayquil, soda, and soup so I could at least be well enough to write. It was a bit of a blessing though, as I had a chance to get myself some followers as well as read some other stories for inspiration. WHICH BRINGS ME TO A FAVOR! I would absolutely love any of you to drop some shameless self promotion, tell me what your writing, even if its not Dramione, even if its outside of the Harry Potter universe. I drawl most of my inspiration from music and other fan fictions.**_

_**Also if you read on Wattpad, I know I said that this would mostly be comprised of Twiztid lyrics (all of the titles are inspired by twiztid songs and as someone pointed out, I'll be going back to give credit for the title as well as the song) but this Blaze song seemed perfect right now. So yeah. So gimme those story titles, let me know what you think so far, favorite or follow, and yeah! Happy Reading Loves.**_

**Title credit: Twiztid "All of the Above"**


	4. Welcome Home

**Typical disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the things from his universe belong to the amazingly brilliant mind of JK Rowling. I am making no money off this story nor do I want any credit for anything Miss Rowling has created, only my own ideas inspired by her story. The song lyrics belong solely to the equally brilliant and perfectly dark minds of Jamie Madrox and Paul Monoxide of the group Twiztid.**

* * *

**_Song: They told Me  
Artist: Twiztid  
_Trigger Warning: None**

**_They told me_**  
**_To let go and dream of torture _**  
**_And horrible things of that kind_**  
**_They told me_**  
**_You're only good as the thoughts you keep_**  
**_In your head when you unlock your mind_**  
**_They told me_**  
**_You'll never win because your doomed to fail_**  
**_And everything you do just ain't right_**  
**_They told me_**  
**_I need to quit acting like a child_**  
**_And grow up, get on with my life_**

**_I told them…_**

* * *

Draco had spent the rest of the trip to Hogwarts avoiding everyone including Hermione. He rode in his carriage to the castle with Blaise and Pansy without paying any attention to their conversation, he was too busy scolding himself. He had been so stupid to think that he could do this, any of this. It was no longer just a problem of facing Hermione he realized. Now he was also forced to face the wizarding world at large and their stares said it all, he was a pariah. Unwanted for the crimes he commited and holding the blame of the world because he was the only one they could trust it upon. While every other Death Eater was locked up, Draco was there, in the open for them to all place hate on. It was starting to weigh hard on him he thought as he realized he'd made it inside and to his seat, barely aware how he'd gotten there.

Then his attention was turned to McGonagall as she finished sorting the last first year and walked to the podium. She smiled at all the students then began her speech. "Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts. I'm happy that despite recent events, so many of you have returned to finish your education." Draco looked around then noticing that while the Headmistress was correct, there were nowhere near as many people there as there had been in his first year. "I hope your summer gave you all time to recuperate and move forward. We lost many good people last year, I doubt if there is a single person who did not feel the loss of war last year, but we need to remember what we fought for. We fought so that all of you could sit here, so that all of you could learn here, no matter who your parents are or what you have done in your past. None of this matters because one thing will always reign true, _Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home_†." Professor McGonagall was practically beaming as the 3/4ths of the school broke out into cheers, the Slytherin table merely clapping quietly. Then in what must have been an attempt to imitate Dumbledore, she waved her hand and food appeared on the tables.

Draco sat in between Blaise, who was filling his plate with everything in sight while talking to a small black haired first year, and Pansy, who kept scooting closer to him. He'd spent the entire summer ignoring her, but the last 7 years around this girl had taught him one lesson, she could not take a hint. Draco didn't care that she was pureblood, that her family was rich, or that nothing would make their parents happier then to see the two of them married. Pansy looked like a dog, literally, she was clingier then all hell, and she couldn't have an intellectual conversation if her life depended on it. That wasn't even counting the fact that she was shallow and money hungry, only wanting Draco for the good standing he'd give her with purebloods and the access she'd be allowed to the Malfoy vault. Just as Draco was about to yell at her, a soft yet cruel voice spoke up.

"Merlin Pansy give it a break, seriously I can smell you desperation over here and if you move any closer to Malfoy he'll be sitting in Blaise's lap." A young girl Draco vaguely recognized said. "Although that would be slightly amusing." She said with a wink at Draco as he eyed her suspiciously.

"Mind your own business Greengrass." And then Draco was immediately confused, this girls hair was straight and brown, not blonde and wild, her mouth was a bit too large but her lips were full, not thin lines and colorless. Then he caught her eyes as realization washed over him, her eyes were just like her sisters, big, brown, and full of wit. Astoria Greengrass had grown up, she was no longer the twit who followed her sister around annoyingly, but a girl who was slightly amusing if Draco was to tell the truth. Before he could respond again though, the food disappeared and he groaned, having been so lost in his thoughts he'd only had a roll. Then McGonagall rose to the podium again and Draco was forced to listen.

"Alright students, the rules are mostly the same, but for the first years, here are a few reminders; The Forbidden Forest's name is not a joke, it is forbidden and ALL students would do well to remember that the creatures that call it home are very unsettled due to the war. It would possibly be detrimental to your health to enter alone without a member of staff. Also a reminder that the school is still putting the final touches on the rebuild so please be cautious where you see staff working. Students fourth year and above are welcome to join the Rebuild efforts in their free time, please see you Head Boy or Girl to sign up." Then she took a moment, almost as if the elderly Headmistress needed to brace herself. "Now I would like to make some introductions, as we have some students in new roles this year as well as a couple of new teachers."

"First please welcome our Prefects, as anyone who received the badge knows, we have decided to make this slightly more selective, so four prefects from each house were chosen. For Gryffindor we have Mister Dean Thomas, Mister Ronald Weasley Miss Ginny Weasley, and Miss Pavarti Patil. For Hufflepuff we have Mister Ernie Macmillan, Mister Roger Malone, Miss Hannah Abott, and Miss Susan Bones. For Ravenclaw Mister Anthony Goldstein, Mister Marcus Belby, Miss Padma Patil, and Miss Luna Lovegood. Finally for Slytherin we have, Mister Blaise Zabini, Mister Peter Volens, Miss Pansy Parkinson, and Miss Astoria Greengrass. We thank you all for accepting these rolls and hope you will be cautious and remember that this power is a privilege, not a right." McGonagall said pointedly, Draco was sure she was talking to the Slytherin table specifically.

"Now we also would like to welcome your Head Girl and Boy this year; from Gryffindor house we have chosen Miss Hermione Granger who has shown not only exceedingly high grades in her course work but has also been a fair and just prefect over the years." Once again, the three tables in front of Draco broke out into applause, but this time the Slytherin table didn't even politely clap. When the noise finally died down, McGonagall continued. "And from Slytherin," collective gasp, "we have chosen Mister Draco Malfoy." All hell broke loose at the sound of his name. Slytherin's were confused and the other tables were furious, some were glaring at him, others booing him, and a few were even screaming at the Headmistress. Unlike Dumbledore though, McGonagall didn't need magic to make her voice known. "SIT DOWN ALL OF YOU! LOWER YOUR VOICES AND COLLECT YOURSELVES! I WILL NOT TOLLERATE SUCH DISRESPECT!" And that's all it took, the entire hall went silent under the Headmistress's murderous glare. "Now I do not expect all of you to comprehend this decision but I will not allow this. So all of you know, Mister Malfoy has been a Prefect since his fifth year, he has top marks, second only to Miss Granger, and is a Quittich captain. He meets all of the qualifications to be Head Boy and you will show him respect, or you will answer to me." That was all she needed to say, because there wasn't a man or woman alive with wanted to deal with a crossed Minerva McGonagall.

"Now, before I send you all of to bed I would like to introduce your two new teachers. Please welcome Madame Oliva Bontris will be taking over your lessons in Muggle Studies." Draco froze as his sight blackened slightly and all he could see was the old Muggle Studies teacher, suspended above his dining room table. Then, pushing the memory away, he focused on the woman at the staff table. She was a plain old thing with grey limp hair, a black set of robes, and a nervous expression. The only thing that made her stand out was her height, she could only be a few inches taller than Professor Flitwick. "As well as Professor William Weasley who will be taking over as your Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher." Draco looked at the man who needed no introduction, the red hair screamed Weasley even though he looked nothing like Weasle or Weaslette. This man had sharper features then his younger siblings, longer hair, but the most telling sign was the deep scars that ran down his face. Draco shivered, knowing full well what creature left scars like that and he felt certain he knew who that creature was.

"Alright," The Professor finished. "Now if the Prefect's will all lead the first years to the common rooms please. All other years, give the younger students a chance to make it out of the hall." McGonagall said as all of the Prefect's were grouping their first years together. Blaise slapped Malfoy on the back before leaving. "Wonderful, have a good start to term tomorrow, and once again welcome back. You're dismissed." And everyone started to noisily file out, including Draco until he heard his name being shouted. "Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, a word please."

Draco groaned, but turned on his heel wondering what else the Headmistress could have in store for him that night. It had been a long day and the feast felt like it had droned on forever, he just wanted to go to his dorm… Then he realized what the Headmistress wanted as he approached her. When he finally reached her, was already talking to Hermione.

"Ah good Mister Malfoy, I was just explaining where your common room will be. The old Head's room was destroyed in the war so we had to relocate it while we rebuilt. It is now in the fourth floor corridor."

"Isn't that area off limits? Stay away or die or something like that?" Draco asked confused.

"Ah… Has the-" Draco stared as Hermione looked confused. "Pest. Problem been taken care of Headmistress?"

"Of course. It's perfectly safe now. The door has also been replaced by a portrait, your password is Fluffy." McGonagall said with a smirk. Draco just looked confused.

"Thank you Headmistress." Hermione said excitedly. "Oh um, I was curious, are we allowed to have visitors? I'd love to be able to hang out with my friends there."

"You may Miss Granger, as well as you Mister Malfoy, but I do advise you to remember that this is a room to be shared. I know how either of you feels about the others friends and this situation is hard enough. Please show respect for the other and mind your guest to show the same respect." McGonagall looked sternly at them both and Draco couldn't help but smile about the fact that for once, he wasn't alone in a lecture. "Now I would like both of you in my office tomorrow after classes. The teachers will handle patrols for the next three nights so that you both may set up a prefects meeting this weekend and establish a patrol schedule. Off to bed now." McGonagall sent them off.

Draco and Hermione didn't say a word to each other as they climbed the stair case to the portrait on the fourth floor. It was of a young man, dressed in all black, standing in a dark alley. "Password?" The man asked.

"Fluffy." Hermione said with a smirk that made Draco confused all over again. He wasn't able to dwell on it though, as the portrait swung open. He gestured for Hermione to go in, and then followed close behind her.

Draco would be lying if he said it wasn't brilliant, the long room that stood before him. He'd peaked in the corridor, once on a dare. It had been nothing more than a dark and dusty hall for the look of it. Now though, it was magnificent. The walls were paneled in dark wood and draped with silver and gold curtains, the bookshelves that stood against the walls were full. In the center was a giant fireplace, surrounded by two velvet arm chairs, one red, one green, and two black velvet loveseats. Behind the chairs was a decent sized table, long backed black chairs on either side that looked so much more comfortable then the chairs the library offered.

On the wall to his left was a big door that Hermione walked over too first. Draco followed, peering in behind her. In the room there was a door that obviously lead to exit the corridor. In its center was a large mahogany table, surrounded by chairs, on the wall opposite the door was a blackboard. This was obviously where they were to hold prefect meetings. Draco didn't much care though, so he walked pass the fire place to the door next to it.

Draco opened the door and jumped back as a giant furry thing emerged from the room, hissing at him as it stalked past. Realizing it must be Hermione's cat, he ignored it and peered into the room, then let out a small chuckle. Draco had never taken Hermione as girly, so the room was a bit amusing. The walls were lilac, with deep purple curtains surrounding what must have been an enchanted window. In the center was a large four poster bed, with a deep purple duvet and lacey pillows. This room was so unexpected, it only made sense that Hermione would love it. He closed the door, smirk still on his face and continued on.

In the center of the right wall was another large door, which Draco found lead to a giant bathroom. On each wall was a door that lead to each other their rooms. The bath in the center reminded him of the Prefect's bathroom, almost the size of a pool. There were two sinks with cupboards next to them and mirrors above them. In each corner was a stall he assumed held a toilet, next to them were showers. Draco smiled knowing he was going to enjoy taking advantage of this area of the room.

Finally, he closed the bathroom door and crossed to the last door of the room. He opened it slowly and a giant grin spread across his face as he walked in slamming the door closed behind him. It was perfect for him, the walls were painted black, and the carpet matched. His own enchanted window was in cased in silvery curtains and looked like it was made to look out on the Quittich pitch. There was a black wardrobe sitting next to a four poster bed that was as big as Hermione's, but paled in contrast. The bed frame was black, but the drawn curtains where thick and silver. His bed itself was covered with deep green silk sheets, giant pillows at the top, and a green down comforter.

Draco threw himself on his bed with a smile, for the first time in so long he was comfortable. He wasn't happy about a lot of things this year, namely living with Hermione Granger. The one thing that would make it alright though was being able to come back to this common room. This was home now, he thought as he lie on the bed, fully clothed, drifting off slowly.

* * *

_**A/N-HELLO LOVES! I am totally over the moon about the reception this story is getting on here. So hello to all you lovely follower, amazing favoriters, and sweet reviewers. I'm so glad that you are all ready to dive into this awesome story with me! I haven't fully explained this yet so I want you all to know that this story has been in the works for almost 2 months now. It originally started as If I Fall over on wattpad, but I didn't find I was hitting the right audience there, so I moved it over to here, and changed the story up considering I knew had a more mature audience and I could let my true dark side shine here. I'm excited to say that I obviously made the right decision because I'm getting an amazing response here.  
**_  
_**Now I do have some bittersweet news, I have been updating quite a bit (3 chapters in 3 days if memory serves me right) but the rest of this week things will taper off a bit. Hubby (OTR Trucker, gone for 3 weeks home for 3 days) is home till Sunday and its his birthday week. To top it all off I'm also car shopping and moving this weekend. EKK! Its scary to just write that. Anyways, so I probably won't have a new chapter till Monday or Tuesday. BUT ALAS! I could not leave you all with this one chapter, I mean lets be honest it was a mere filler chapter to get all the details out of the way.**_

_**So thank God that A. I'm sick and B. I have an awesome husband who told me to stay in bed, write, and let me order Chinese food.**_

_**This chapter was next one was brought to you by Beef with Broccoli, Fried Rice, Egg Rolls, Dr. Pepper, and Ben and Jerry's (Phish Food, its the only way to go) :)**_

_**Happy Reading Loves!**_

_**P.S. Thank you to my PM'er who pointed out I was missing an 'f' in Gryffindor. I love stuff like this, and it helps so much when people point it out.**_

_**Title song: Twiztid "Welcome Home"**_

_**†This quote is directly from the mouth of Miss JK Rowling and note my property at all.**_


	5. I've Been Dead

**Typical disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the things from his universe belong to the amazingly brilliant mind of JK Rowling. I am making no money off this story nor do I want any credit for anything Miss Rowling has created, only my own ideas inspired by her story. The song lyrics belong solely to the equally brilliant and perfectly dark minds of Jamie Madrox and Paul Monoxide of the group Twiztid.**

* * *

**Trigger Warning: Torture  
****_Song: Afraid of Me  
Artist: Twiztid_**

**_I took a look at myself  
And came to grips with what I found  
It was a vision of a child  
Disturbed and broke down  
No soul, no heart, 'cause I gave it away  
No time for feelin' sorry  
I'll grieve another day  
And all those tears are stored in storm clouds  
That hover above me  
And cover the ugly  
Continue to haunt me when I was feelin' low  
That's the same reason I hold on and never let go_**

**_I'm so  
Hidden and you're never gonna see  
I'm cold  
Forgiven only 'cause of my belief's  
I'm no  
Body that you ever wanna be_**

* * *

_She was twisting and writhing on the floor of his drawing room and all Draco wanted at that moment was to hate her. He wanted to be the man he was supposed to be, the man his father had taught him to be, a ruthless, unemotional man. It was impossible though, no matter how many times he'd watched or participated, Draco could never handle the sounds of torture and death. This particular instance was worse though because he knew the eyes that were pleading with him._

_Her brown eye's reminded him of the fire whiskey he drank to keep the nightmares away, only they had an almost red tint to them. Right now they looked at him and spoke volumes, begging him to help her, begging him to show her the compassion he'd never shown her before. Draco stood there, trying to give as much comfort as he could through a simple look. He knew deep down that this would never be enough, he'd been crucio'd so many times before and nothing but unconsciousness took away the pain it caused._

_ Then it hit him, and Draco gripped his wand tight, looking in all directions to make sure no one had could see him. His voice was basically nothing, and his wand flick was almost invisible, but he sent the spell towards the girl. The only thing he hadn't accounted for was the commotion coming from the dungeons causing Bellatrix to pause. Right as she had, a twitch went through her victim and she fell into unconsciousness. Bellatrix turned to see Draco holding his wand as he backed toward the wall, praying his death would be quick. Before he even knew what happened though, a fight was beginning and somehow Potter and Co. were standing in the room._

_Draco's vision blacked out, and he came too in the dungeons, held to the wall by his wrists and ankles. In front of him was his mother, his father, and his aunt. It took Draco a moment to realize they were fighting as his foggy vision cleared slowly._

_"PLEASE BELLA! DON'T DO THIS! HE'S MY SON!" His mother was screeching at his aunt._

_"HE SHOWED FAVOR TO A MUDBLOOD CISSY! HE MUST LEARN! HE NEEDS THE PUNISHMENT OR HE WILL THINK IT'S ACCEPTABLE TO SHOW COMPASSION TO SUCH FILTH!" Bella's screams reached an ear splitting level. "TAKE HER OUT OF HERE LUCIUS! I NEED TO FOCUS." _

_Draco watched in horror as his mother was dragged up the stair by her husband "HOW CAN YOU DO THIS LUCIUS! HE'S YOUR SON! HE'S YOUR SON!" Before he heard the dungeon door close._

_His aunt turned quickly back to him "DO YOU REALIZE THE PUNISHMENT WE WILL SUFFER? DO YOU REALIZE THE MISTAKE YOU MADE?" Crucio. "YOU HELP A MUDBLOOD!" Crucio. "HOW DARE YOU DISGRACE THIS FAMILY?" Crucio. "YOU ARE NO BLOOD OF MINE." Crucio. Crucio. Crucio. Draco's was almost to the edge, almost the point he wanted to be, where he could fall off and either let unconsciousness or insanity take him. He no longer cared which. Then it stopped, and his aunt smiled at him, sending a tremor through Draco._

_"You took what was mine Draco. My own flesh and blood stole the blood I was to spill." She spat in his face causing Draco to jerk painfully against his restraints. "So I think I'll get some from you. Just a bit, not enough to kill. Just enough to remember." The smile across her face was wicked, and then Draco saw the glimmer of a knife handle and completely froze. He'd been attempting to show no fear, knowing it would only make things worse, but he couldn't help the look of terror that washed over his face. _

_Then he felt it, the cool sting of metal against his neck, not hard enough to kill his, but hard enough to begin to pierce his skin. At first, all he could feel was the cold of the blade, but then it was replaced and a burn began, followed by horrid pain. Draco screamed as he started to feel something warm running down his neck. It took only a moment to realize, as the blade ran over his atom apple, that the warm feeling was his own blood. Draco couldn't remember the knife being removed from his neck. He had no memory of his mother bursting in the room while Bella stood back cackling at him. He didn't remember the heeling charm, all he knew that night was the pain._

Draco shot bolt upright in his bed, his mother's screams still piercing his ears and clutching his throat. His entire body, clothes, and bed was soaked in ice cold sweat and he was sitting against his head board shaking silently, trying to end the sounds of the screams. It took him awhile before he realized the screams weren't in his head, they were coming from outside his door. Draco jumped quickly from his bed, grabbing his wand from the nightstand before running into the common room. It was pitch black, only a small glow from the fireplace visible. Draco stood for a moment listening, slowly moving across the room toward the sound. Finally he came to a stop, pausing only a moment outside the room, before realizing the screams where Hermione's.

Draco bust into the room, wand at the ready, and began to search for the attacker. Then his eyes fell upon something that made his blood run cold. She was the girl from his dreams, completely the same, lying on her bed, screaming, twisting, and writhing in pain. Draco ran over and began to shake her violently, screaming.

"GRANGER! GRANGER PLEASE! GRANGER WAKE UP!" Draco could feel himself starting to fall apart at the sound of her screams. "HERMIONE PLEASE FUCKING WAKE UP! STOP SCREAMING PLEASE!" Then like someone had shocked her, Hermione shot up, eyes wide still screaming.

"Kill me, please Malfoy, kill me. If you have any mercy in you at all you'll just kill me." At his name Draco froze, unable to process anything. He almost let himself let himself drift back to the manor before he stopped himself. Instead he grabbed Hermione's face and pulled it so they were nose and nose.

"You are at Hogwarts. You're safe. Look around. This isn't the manor." Draco said slowly but with authority. It obviously worked because Hermione's eyes began to dart around the common room. Then it was as if she'd lost the will to stay up right, as she crumpled forward into Draco's lap. Draco sat there shocked for a moment unsure of what to do, when he felt something hit his stomach. He looked down as the hit came again to see it was Hermione's fist.

"Why didn't you kill me?" Her sobs were barely a whisper. "I begged you over and over." Thud. "I can't keep doing this." Thud. "I can't keep reliving it." Thud. "You." Thud. "Should." Thud. "Have." Thud. "Killed." Thud. "Me." Finally, Draco grabbed her wrist and pulled her up so they were facing each other again.

"Because I'm a coward." Was all he said, and for some reason, possibly insanity, Hermione started laughing. Literally falling back on her bed as amusement rippled through her. "What the hell is wrong with you Granger?"

As if she realized how inappropriate this was, Hermione's laughter came to a halt with a gasp. "I'm sorry but it just came to the realization of how ironic that is. Killing someone is the most cowardly thing to do, and yet you think you're a coward because you didn't." Then Hermione sat up and looked him dead in the eye, no trace of amusement on her face.

"You are not a coward Draco." And for reasons which he had no idea of, Draco's breath hitched in his throat at the sound of Hermione using his name. "You may not have stopped my pain happening at all, but you did something when no one else would have. So many horrible things could have happened to you, but you did it anyways," as she said all this, Draco's face grew pale and his hand shot up to his throat. Hermione watched for a moment before her eyes grew wide.

"No!" She said in barely a whisper, but to Draco it was as loud as her screams earlier.

"We're not discussing this Granger." Draco's voice was sharp and intimidating as his face grew to its normal cold mask. Hermione stared at him for a moment, as if he were a particularly hard spell she was trying to master. She moved slowly, but with a calculating grace to her, closer to Draco. Suddenly he was very aware that the girl next to him was only in a tank top and shorts, while he still wearing robes. As she got closer he instinctively moved backwards but she placed her hand on his shoulder, steadying him, her face an inch from his. Then he stopped breathing as her nose made its way down his cheek, not touching him, but he could still feel it. Before he realized what she was doing, her lips were on his jugular, right where the scar was. For a moment he was frozen, then he realized what she was doing, and he pushed her, making her fall onto her pillows.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Draco hissed at her. Guilt was written all over Hermione's face. "Do you remember what you said to me about your scar in Diagon Alley? You can't look at me with pity either. I made my fucking choice to get this scar, I helped a mudblood. I wasted my aunt's opportunity to kill you. I disgraced my family, and for what? A mudblood. So I paid the fucking price for that. You don't get to sooth my pain, try and make me feel better. I don't get to feel better because I don't deserve that. So stay the fuck out of my way, we'll discuss Head duties and nothing else. I have no time in my life for some torn up, mudblood, bitch." With that, Draco walked out of Hermione's room, slamming her door behind him. He made it as far as his doorway before he collapsed, pulling himself the rest of the way into his room and slamming the door shut. He never got off the floor that night, instead he lay there, sobbing and cursing himself, thinking about all that he'd done.

Draco Malfoy felt like more of a monster then The Dark Lord himself had been. They both tore people's lives apart, tortured, and killed people in the name of blood supremacy. They had booth had fathers who had pushed them away. The difference was though, he had a mother, a woman who reminded him that even through his father's insanity and cruelty, Draco was loved. His mother had never wanted this for Draco and had fought to protect him from it, but in the end he'd been dragged in. He remembered his mother's hurt every time he'd tortured someone, felt guilt for disgracing her every time he'd killed someone.

That was what made Draco worse, he'd felt guilt doing it. Voldemort never cared for his victims, he only saw them as stepping stones to his power. Draco had felt guilt and hurt committing his crimes though, and yet he'd still done it. He'd only ever stood up to it once, with Hermione. He didn't regret it, but he knew it'd never make him whole again, it would never make up for what he'd done.

Draco spent the whole next day walking around in a daze, he was drained, emotionally and physically from last night. He'd been a zombie in all of his classes, body there but no mind present. Then he'd let Hermione get all the information from their meeting before she dismissed them to dinner. Draco just went to the common room, he didn't even have the energy to deal with dinner. His body ached, he felt like he hadn't slept in a year, he was cursing himself for having gone into the Gryffindor's room, but most of all, he was fighting down the feeling of guilt that kept rising within him when he remember how cruel he'd been to her.

Draco reconciled with his conscious, telling himself that he'd had to be that cruel. When she'd looked at him last night, realizing where the scar on his neck had come from, he saw the most horrifying thing ever. Hermione was looking at him with compassion, the kiss to sooth his wounds was to help heal his heart. She wanted to help him, because that's what Hermione Granger, she may be headstrong and harsh at times, but she wanted to heal everything around her. She believed so whole heartedly in good that it almost made Draco sick. He wasn't good, he repelled good, pushed it away and corrupted it, took it from its truest form and made it something unrecognizable.

He couldn't allow that to happen to Hermione, as much as he hated the girl, she didn't deserve his taint.

* * *

_**A/N: Well there we go, this is what I give to you before I head off for a quick 3 day vacation. I promise to write every chance I get, but that will be minimal with all that's going on. I also swear there will be a new chapter up next week. I'm excited to leave it here honestly. I need to get away from Draco's dark mood. Don't worry, this story will be dark for a lot longer, and fair warning: While I plan for a somewhat happy ending that won't lead to Dramione shippers everywhere plotting my death, it will still be dark :) lol. So I'm off now. Have an awesome week/weekend loves. I can't wait to see how this has grown once I get back.  
**_

_**Of and this chapter was brought to you by: Dr Pepper (along with every chapter before this because I drink the stuff like its going out of style), Beef with Brocoli, Egg Rolls, and Ben and freakin' Jerry's (Phish Food because if its not Phish Food, it's not right)... God I wish these people sponsered me lol. Anyways, cold meds are obviously kickin in, so...**_

_**Happy Reading Loves!**_

_**Title song: Maniac Killa by Twiztid but lyric is actually from Blaze, Ya Dead Homie**_

_*****Anyone who may have noticed, I apologize for the miss ordering of the chapters! I have no clue what happened but apparently somehow chapter 3 became chapter 1. Anyways, I fixed it. Sorry!**_


	6. My Own Worst Enemy

**Typical disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the things from his universe belong to the amazingly brilliant mind of JK Rowling. I am making no money off this story nor do I want any credit for anything Miss Rowling has created, only my own ideas inspired by her story. The song lyrics belong solely to the equally brilliant and perfectly dark minds of Jamie Madrox and Paul Monoxide of the group Twiztid.**

* * *

_**Trigger warning: Minor Manhandling  
Song: LDLHA IBCSYWA (Love Don't Live Here)  
Artist: Twiztid**_

_**All I see when I look at you is me**_  
_**And everyday it gets a little bit harder**_  
_**Like a piece of my life's puzzle**_  
_**That's been slipped under the carpet**_  
_**Until this day I feel like I'm never gonna find it**_  
_**I smoke a cigarette and hope for the best**_  
_**But sometime that cigarette is just smoke in the chest**_  
_**I lay in bed but it's nothing new with getting rest**_  
_**Instead I used it as an escape from all the mess**_  
_**Nothing seems to matter and I'm only getting sadder and sadder**_  
_**'Cause I'm not even sure what I'm after**_  
_**I know my life's a disaster and I better straighten it out**_  
_**And stand tall or fall victim of getting caught in**_  
_**A spiraling downfall of emotion that I call**_  
_**Devotion and destruction of everything and it's my fault**_

* * *

A week had passed since Draco had woken Hermione from her nightmare and he was still sticking to his word of not speaking to her. Even during the prefect meeting the following weekend, Draco had done nothing more than lay out the schedule for patrols he'd come up with and occasionally comment on various topics. He didn't care much about dances or Hogsmead trips anyways.

Today had been exceptionally rough, he'd been stuck working with Pansy on a potion since Blaise was allegedly out with a cold. This meant that Draco had spent the entire class stopping Pansy from making mistakes, as well as listening to her drone on about how he could once again ride to Prince of Slytherin and win the favor of purebloods everywhere. Her reasoning being that they would need to be in good standing for when they wed. Draco had nearly made it the whole class without shouting at the girl, until she decided to sit herself in his lap, causing him to drop the entire vile of dragons blood he'd been pouring into his cauldron. The potion proceeded to begin to boil over and soak the entire desk as well as Draco and Pansy.

"I swear to Merlin, you stupid bint. Please get it through your disgustingly thick skull, I WILL NOT BE MARRYING YOU! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!" Draco then stormed from the class, leaving the crying girl and the mess behind him as he marched up to his common room.

Draco's temper had been undeniably short this week, and he knew what the cause was. Just yesterday, after he'd had to talk to Hermione about a prefect who'd missed patrol, he'd proceeded to yell at a first year for chewing to loudly. He probably would have gone as far as to take points from the boy if he weren't a Slytherin. Even Blaise had questioned Draco a couple of times, wondering the reason behind his bad mood. Draco wasn't about to tell anyone of his encounter with Hermione though.

Just as Draco threw himself into his armchair he heard something coming from outside the room, muffled voices. As he got up and walked toward the portrait hole he realized it was someone shouting. He was about to open the portrait and yell at whomever was disturbing his bad mood when he heard something the made him stop.

"He's never going to change Hermione. I don't know why you spoke for him at his trial, I don't know why McGonagall let him come back, and I sure as hell don't know why she made him head boy. All I do know is that I am not ok with you sharing a common room with him. It's dangerous and I won't have it."

"Ron I'm really tired of having this discussion with you. There's nothing that can change this. Professor McGonagall made her choice, and I cannot change that. He hasn't even been that terrible, we only discuss Head duties."

"Hasn't been that terrible? In case you forgot he tortured you Hermione."

"His aunt tortured me."

"Yeah well it's not like he stopped her. He just sat back and watched while she did that to you. Do you know how hard it was for me to sit in that dungeon and know there was nothing I could do to stop your screams?"

Draco wasn't sure, but next thing he knew he had a smack that sounded distinctly like a hand hitting a cheek. "HOW DARE YOU RONALD WEASLEY! How hard it was for you? I don't remember you being the one tortured by that mad woman! How dare you act like this was hard for you?" Draco didn't need to see Hermione to know she was crying. He could hear the sobs coming, part of him praying Weasle was smart enough to know to back off. He knew that his prayer was completely in vein though.

"DON'T FUCKING HIT ME!" Draco's stomach dropped at he heard something hit the wall next to the portrait. Without thinking he swung the portrait open and took in the scene outside of it. Ron was standing over Hermione, red faced and breathing heavily. It was the look of fear in her face that caused Draco's next actions though, the fear in her eyes caused something inside of him to snap. Before Draco knew it he had Ron against the opposite wall, his wand at his throat.

"Don't you dare lay another fucking hand on her!" Draco screamed in the red head's face.

"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS MALFOY!" Ron tried to push Draco away but he wouldn't budge. "What's it to you anyways? She's my girlfriend, stay out of it."

"You're disgusting Weasle. Putting your hands on her."

"Says the Death Eater!" Ron laughed menacingly. "Get the fuck off me Malfoy."

"Ronald! Stop please." Hermione pleaded before turning to Draco. "Malfoy let him go."

"Stay away from my common room Weasley." Draco said, giving Ron an extra shove before turning on his heel and walking back to the portrait.

"You're just like your father Ferret. Stay away from my girlfriend. I can treat her how I please and there is nothing you can do about it." At first Draco turned to make a snide remark back, but then he saw how tight Ron's grip was on Hermione's wrist. Draco didn't even realize what he was doing until he heard the sickening crack of Ron's nose.

"Think what you want Weasle but I have never sunk so low as to hurt a woman." Draco turned away from Hermione who was standing there sobbing, and slammed the portrait behind him.

An hour later, Draco lie on his bed still trying to calm himself. He knew he'd just messed up any chance at staying away from Hermione. Surely the witch would come to scream at him. He didn't care though, it had been worth it. Weasley was known for his temper, but to put his hands on a girl was crossing a line, even if it was just pushing her. The more Draco thought of it, the more he remembered all the times his father had come after his mother. The thought alone sent chill down his spine.

Then as Draco suspected, there was a knock on his door, and he groaned before crossing his dorm room to answer it. Just as he swung the door open Hermione pushed her way into the room and began pacing. For a moment all Draco could do was stand at the door watching as Hermione paced in front of the bed, her hair flowing and her cheeks red with anger. He could barely stop himself from thinking how beautiful she looked.

"How could you? No wait, HOW DARE YOU? What right did you think you had to do that? NONE I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT! YOU HAD ABSOLUTELY," Draco couldn't help the snicker that left him as her tirade went on. "What is so funny about this?"

"You! You are supposed to be the brightest witch of our age, of our generation! Yet you stood there and let him man handle you like you're a fucking bludger. Even worse, now you're sitting here defending him. You must be daft to let him talk to you that way and touch you like that." Draco was getting angrier the longer this conversation rolled on.

"It wasn't like that, he was just angry, he didn't mean to push me." Hermione was losing her confidence in this fight, now glancing at the floor instead of the fierce look she had been giving Draco.

"God, do you even realize how pathetic you sound? Don't be one of those girls Granger, please. Maybe it was all just a heated argument, maybe I just walked in on the one time it's ever gotten heated like that, but it doesn't change a thing. You are too smart to be that girl."

Hermione just stood there staring back at him for a moment, mouth agape and body frozen. Draco could almost see the wheels in her mind turning as she tried repeatedly to understand what he was saying. He couldn't help but realize that this was when Hermione's beauty peaked, when she was frazzled and caught off guard, mind working feverishly to solve a problem. These moments caused him to slip in his required hatred for her. Suddenly a small murmur broke Draco's train of thought and he shook his head erasing the thoughts.

"What?" He asked listening closer.

"Why are you being like this? I just don't get it."

"I still don't get what you're saying Granger."

"A week ago, for a moment, we put everything aside and I almost thought you were human. Then all of a sudden I say one thing wrong and it was shattered. We went back to being Malfoy and Granger, sworn enemies who could care less if the other dies. Then today you freak out on my boyfriend to defend my honor and lecture me about being with him." Hermione was standing an inch in front of him, and although her voice was quiet, venom was spat with each word. "I can't do this with you. Everything was fine when we hated each other, I knew where I stood with you, and you with me. I could even deal with you wanting to be amicable, it will be challenging but I love a challenge. What I cannot and will not deal with is this on and off switch you seem to have. One minute you act like you want me in your life and the next you're treating me like the same speck of dirt I've always been to you. It's only been a bloody week Malfoy! How has so much changed?"

Then in a blink of an eye the look of anger she'd had was gone and a tear slowly fell down her cheek. "I have to know where I stand with you. My mind is so ready to associate you with everything bad, and my heart is ready to forgive you for everything. If I don't know where you and I stand, I have no idea which to follow."

As another tear slid down her cheek, something inside Draco broke and all his restraint fell to the wayside. He reached up and cupped her cheek brushing the tear away. Then, knowing that at least for a moment, all bets were off he pushed her face up forcing her to look at him. He lost himself for a moment in the flakes of red swimming in her whiskey colored eyes before leaning down slowly. It felt like almost forever before his lips finally landed on hers, and it took all of his control as he realized how soft and sweet they truly where. He inhaled and he reached his hand behind her neck, pulling her closer to him and deepening the kiss. He was drunk on the scent of her, he couldn't exactly place it but he swore it reminded him of ripe green apples. It took everything in him to pull away, and even when he did, he couldn't open his eyes. He rested his forehead on hers as he fought to control every impulse he had to sweep her off her feet and take her far away to somewhere no one knew them.

"Your mind," was all he said.

"What?" Hermione breathed out.

"You listen to your mind. The part of you that's telling you to associate me with everything bad, that's the logical part. I am everything bad Granger, and this," he took a step back and motioned between them. "Changes nothing. We cannot be friends, or rather you cannot be friends with me. I refuse to ruin you like that." Before he could change his mind, he pushed past her and left the common room. He walked aimlessly until he found an empty corridor, finally collapsing.

It had taken every ounce of strength he had to walk away from Hermione. She was everything he wanted, and everything he could never have. He'd known it for almost 4 years now, since she'd entered walked into the Great Hall in fourth year during the Yule Ball. In the end though, Draco meant what he'd said, the kiss had changed nothing. He refused to bring her down with him as he continued his downward spiral. So instead he sat there, living in a memory of what had just happened, because that would be all he'd have to live on for some time, a memory of a kiss.

* * *

_**A/N: OH HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU ALL AND THIS STORY! I AM SOOOOOO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. I hope no one is angry, life just got real crazy really quick. ANYWAYS, REAL QUICK SHOUT OUT! A huge thank you to the lovely miss Kathrine Vine who has offered to translate this story into Russian for me! I cannot wait! I will definitely be letting everyone know as soon as she begins! I have no words to explain how honored I am!**_

_**Anyways, I haven't been this busy in so long I forgot how crazy life can be. Now though (hopefully) things are starting to even out! YAY! I am officially moved into my new place, my family drama is starting to die down slightly, mine and my oldest sons birthdays have passed, and I got my new car (Saturn Ion! SOOO CUTE lol). Anyways, that took up about 3 weeks after my last update, then I finally sat down to write this chapter and two things happened, one. I was so lost at first, I lost my mojo for this story and had to reread it like 20 times! UGH it was terrible. Then I decided to take a few day and read some other Dramione's to get me back in my swing. Alas though problem number 2, I was caught up in some major writers block! Thank god though, that tonight, as I am posting this I happened across an awesome playlist with 2 majorly inspirational songs (That Home by The Cinematic Orchestra and Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade) as well as an amazing Dramione fic that got me off my ass lol. Go check out What if You Could Have Wished Me Away by Crookshanks.x if you haven't, it was written before the last book came out, it's not 100% compliant but it is seriously amazing. I hope that I can and/or am writing a story half as good as that. Anyways happy reading loves, I won't guarantee the next update but I'm confident in saying no more than a week. Probably less.**_

_**3Lola2Hatta**_

_**Title song: Afraid of Me Artist: Twiztid**_


	7. I'm Alright

Typical disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the things from his universe belong to the amazingly brilliant mind of JK Rowling. I am making no money off this story nor do I want any credit for anything Miss Rowling has created, only my own ideas inspired by her story. The song lyrics belong solely to the equally brilliant and perfectly dark minds of Jamie Madrox and Paul Monoxide of the group Twiztid.

_**Song: Darkness  
Artist: Twiztid  
Trigger Warning: Mild Violence**_

_**How come this wasted time**_  
_**Is such a loss expressed on my side**_  
_**I'd give you everything **_  
_**If you'd just let me stand beside you**_  
_**Your kind is so amused**_  
_**And still confused by what you live with**_  
_**Your darkness just won't go away**_  
_**No light inside for you to shine on today**_  
_**Nothing but darkness in me**_

Draco sat at the Slytherin table the next evening after a long day of classes, he was smiling at his new resolve. He was done with Hermione, done toying with her and done seeing her as anything other than a burden he was force to deal with. In the end while taking his anger out on her felt amazing, all it did was cause him equal if not greater pain. He was going to focus on surviving this year, because even now as he sat here eating, he could feel his peer's eyes leering into him, waiting to strike, and hoping they'd hit blood.

Draco figured he'd fly under the radar this year, at least he did until the impressive black owl came swooping through The Great Hall, a good 10 minutes before the rest where due. It flew first to the staff table, dropping a letter to the Headmistress, then took its second letter to Draco. As it flew out of the hall, Draco couldn't help but notice the room was silent with confusion. Then he looked up and watched as McGonagall opened her letter, a look of distress and horror overtaking her features. It was a moment before Draco could summon the courage to look down at the letter in front of him. The letter was stamped with the ministries seal, and below it was the department title,

The Department of Magical Law Enforcement  
Sector 524  
Azkaban

Draco slowly opened the letter, his heartbeat sounding in his ears as if someone was beating a drum inside of his head. He knew that prisoners were not allowed communication outside of the prison, so this could only mean one thing. As he read the letter, his suspicion was confirmed.

Dear Mr. Malfoy

We deeply regret to have to inform you that in the early hours of this morning, approximately 1 in the morning, we found inmate 4667481, a Mr. Lucius Eras Malfoy, unresponsive in his cell at Azkaban Prison. It appears to have been caused by asphyxiation from a sheet he was provided by the prison. While we understand that there is sometimes nothing that can stop an individual from taking their life, we are deeply saddened by this event, and wish to offer yourself as well as your mother our deepest condolences.

We must regrettably inform you that we will not be able to allow your fathers remains to be released. Unfortunately since your father's sentence was not complete at the time of his demise, he is still considered a ward of the ministry. He will receive a burial outside of Azkaban prison, where unfortunately non ministry personnel is prohibited.

Once again we offer our condolences.

Sincerely,

Alacze Giffint  
Ministry of Magic  
Head Auror  
Department of Magical Law Enforcement

Draco sat there staring at the parchment for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. He wasn't even sure if he was fully aware of what he had just read. He remembered something about property, something the ministry was refusing to return. What had it been though? He couldn't remember. All he knew right now was, the ministry had stolen something very important to him, and he wanted it back. He looked up and realized that at some point, he'd gotten up and ran from the hall, the castle blurring around him as he ran.

When he finally stopped outside the portrait to his dorm, practically screaming the password. He rushed into the room, and then suddenly stopped as he realized he wasn't alone. Hermione was sitting in an armchair, hand to her mouth as she read the paper in her other hand. When she glanced up, her eyes went from shocked to sorrow in a matter of seconds. She got up, walking over to him, and he knew that she knew. That was all it took, the moment that he realized what had really happened, and he collapsed there on the floor, the weight of it all dragging him down. His father was dead.

Draco barely felt alive as her arms wrapped around him from behind and she pulled him to her chest, barely audible "shooshing" sounds where all he could focus on. Somewhere inside of his mind, a part of him was screaming at him to run. He wasn't supposed to be allowing himself to be near her like this. Hell, no one was supposed to see him so vulnerable. He almost did move, but then her hand came up to his cheek and she ran it lightly down. He finally chanced a glance at her face and he was frozen by what he saw. Tear tracks ran down her cheeks as she looked him dead in the eye, with a mixture of compassion and empathy. That's when it clicked, she wasn't doing all this out of pity or some act of revenge. Hermione Granger was the only person on the planet willing to throw him a lifeline, the only one he'd encounter willing to see that he may have demons, but he was not the demon. He was just a boy, who at one point had loved his father enough to follow him blindly into a war that he had no business being a part of. He was a boy forced to see how big of mistake that had been.

So Draco did the only thing he could think of, he turned to Hermione, and cupped her cheeks in each palm, and kissed her. He let all of his pain flow into her as he parted his lips, running his tongue across hers, begging her to allow him in. When she finally did and his tongue entangled hers, he knew that it didn't matter what was going on, this was where he needed to be. He turned to her, pulling her tightly to him, never once breaking contact with her.

Soon enough Hermione's hands wrapped around his neck, and her fingers tangled themselves in his hair. It took all of his self-control to not pinch himself and make sure that this moment was real, deep down he knew it was, even if it was only for now. She was here helping make him better, but that wasn't going to keep her with him forever. Soon she would realize that this wasn't right, and that she couldn't fix the mess he was. Draco's only job in this situation was to be here, to finally let himself feel something. So he did, he unleased 17 years of bottled up emotion and threw it into his every movement.

He sucked her bottom lip, and his body was set on fire as he heard a small moan escape from her. That's what broke him, he couldn't stop himself. Draco grabbed Hermione by the hips, lifting both of them off the floor and carrying her to his room, showering her with kisses along the way. As he slowly set her on the bed, he stopped for a moment, waiting for her to change her mind, but when she made no move, he crashed down onto her. He kissed her with more urgency then before moving from her lips to her jaw. He couldn't help the primal growl that escaped him as she lifted his shirt up clawing into the skin of his back. He lightly nibbled at her neck, his hands slowly moving from her hips to lift her shirt and reveal the smooth, silky skin of her stomach. He was sure eventually she would stop him so he was going to savor this as much as she would allow.

When she finally pulled her face away from his, he knew that was the moment, she had remembered who he was, and surely would run from the room any moment. Instead though she pulled his head down to hers and rested his forehead on hers. If he wasn't so afraid of what she was about to say, he would have made a snarky remark about what how hard it seemed to be for her to catch her breath, but then she spoke.

"We can't do this Draco." She finally sighed. Then she looked down at him and must have seen something because her tone changed. "We barely know each other, and I have Ron, and you have Pansy. We are supposed to hate each other. You… You watched your aunt torture me. I know you helped, but the reason everything was forgivable was because I didn't know you, I practically hated you. If this happens then you know me, and I you. What kind of person does that, gets with a man who watched her be tortured, in the light of his father's suicide no less? Please tell me that you don't really want this? Or that you do… I don't know Draco just please tell me why now? Why in general?"

Draco pulled himself from her arms and sat on the bed beside her. "I have no idea, I only know a few things, first being that I am not with Pansy, and not matter what I never will be. I also know that Weasle doesn't deserve you nor does he seem to respect you very much… But that shouldn't be what causes you to walk away. I'm fucked up, more so then anyone should be. I won't provide you stability, nor will I ever be emotionally supportive. I will get mad and I will take it out on you. Weasle may not respect or deserve you, but he will likely have you. I'm selfish and I wanted this moment, so I took it, because I am the last person who will ever deserve you, but I needed a piece of you and your goodness, maybe it'll carry me through all this shit I've gotten myself stuck in," and with that he once again kissed her lips, so softly that they barely touched.

"Somewhere along the past 8 years, that snarky little girl I grew up with turned into a snarky woman that I fell for. In the end though, we were never meant to be, so it's fine. Go be with Ron," then he kissed her forehead and walked out, leaving her stunned as she sat on his bed.

Draco wondered the castle aimlessly trying to figure out what he'd gotten himself into. He knew there was no other options but to push Hermione as far away as possible, save her from the plague that he bore. After tonight he would have to stay away because he knew the realities, the few friends he did have would never accept her, nor hers him. His mother would rather die than see him marry "such filth." The fact was he was doomed to allowing this world to tear him down to nothing, because while wars were won, prejudice never died.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't even realize how late it must be until he heard something down whatever corridor he was wondering. His head shot up and looked out a nearby window, it must have been well past midnight, the moon glinting off in the distance. When he turned to investigate the sound, he realized to late what had made it. Instead he was face to face with the one person who seemed to hate him more than anything.

"Oh look, poor ickle little Malfoy. How the mighty have fallen my dear Draco." Goyle sneered. If it wasn't for the fact Draco knew this wasn't going to end well, he would have laughed. It was quite ironic, Goyle once the dutiful bodyguard, was now the master of Slytherin house. He'd even seemed to taken a bit more care in his appearance. His hair perfectly faded as he held his head high, a look of authority about him. Two younger boys Draco didn't recognize stood behind him attempting to look menacing.

"I hope your enjoying my throne Gregory." Draco spat back. No matter what was about to happen, Draco refused to act a coward.

"You lost your throne when you became the biggest traitor the pureblood line has ever seen. That's saying a lot too, considering if I remember correctly, your aunt ran off with a muggle, had a freak baby who went on to marry a bloody dog and have pups." Goyle and his lackey's laughed.

"If your through with your little history lesson, I really do have better places to be. Rather, the smell coming off you is starting to make me feel quite ill." Goyle's face contorted with rage, and Draco knew he was being stupid, bating the man.

"Got to get back to your common room? At least being a traitor seems to offer some perks. Tell me Draco," Goyle's mouth twisted into a disgusting attempt at a smile. "How is it living with the mudblood princess? Does she taste as good as she looks? Is that why daddy killed himself? Shame that his son's a traitor?"

That was all it took, Draco pulled his fist back and hit Goyle as hard as he could possibly manage. The cracking of the man's nose reverberated off the walls. Before Draco had even realized he'd hit the man, a large fist contacted with his nose and another crack echoed. As Draco hit the ground, Goyle was on top of him, hitting him repeatedly as his sidekicks cheered him on. He couldn't fight back, Goyle may be shorter, but the man still outweighed him by at least 100 pounds. So he lay there as blow after blow came down on him, hoping that by some grace of some higher power somewhere, he would succumb to his injuries. If he didn't this moment would be practice for his future, he was a traitor in the eyes of both sides.

As he slowly began to lose consciousness, Draco welcomed the numbness. Almost as if the blows had stop coming. He found his ultimate solstice in the voice of almost an angelic tone begging him to wake up, to not die on her… To come back to her.

_**A/N: Hello lovelies!**_

_**Finally posted this chapter and I really would love some constructive critism, this fanfic is a first for me on two planes. Its the first time I've ever gotten a little lemony in a story, did it flow well? More details, less, or just right? Also its my first real fight scene. I don't think I did too terrible on that, because I've been told I excel with my torture scenes, but lemme know if it needs anything. I love feedback.**_

_**Last but not least someone asked me so I will ask my ever faithful reader, do y'all feel as though we need to have a scene from Hermione's perspective. Although I identify with Draco's mind frame more then Hermione's, I have written from her perspective and it was very well written. So I want you guys to decide. I think there are far too many story's not from Draco's side. Also I think too many people get wrapped up in Hermione's story, you have to bring in Harry, Ron, and Ginny if you want to be compliant. Whereas Draco only had a few real friends in the series, which is still dwindling because his house thinks him a traitor. It's easier to have Draco because we can focus truly on what HE is going through, and indirectly what Hermione is going through. With Draco there are less interuptions... Except Blaise lol, only because every fanfiction needs a Blaise lol.**_

_**Anyways thats all for now. Happy Reading Loves!**_

_**Title song: I'm Alright-Twiztid**_


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